I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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