Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
