I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
