dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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