Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
