Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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