woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
