I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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