Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
