Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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