I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He shit in the fireplace
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
