Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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