If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did I show you my penis last night?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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