she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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