Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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