I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
