Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
