Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
