I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize