You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
