she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
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