rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
