i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
