I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
