I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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