you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
