his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize