i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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