It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
