There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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