We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
