just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize