Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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