The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
