Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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