Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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