So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
