i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
