oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
