i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
