Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
