Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
