Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you would pick up someone in the library
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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