Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
