i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't make out with my wife yet
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
