do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
