Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
