Your dad touched me again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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