just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
