I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
