Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
