Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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