She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
