we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
