I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
