Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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