all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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