ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Best friends brother. Beat that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
