just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
