it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
