If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
