Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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