Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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