just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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