I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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