She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
