No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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