1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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