I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
