god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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