its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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