Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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