I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
