its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize