she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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