i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
