Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at about main and main street
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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