i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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