Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
