I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
