Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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