so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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