I want to make a zoo with you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
