so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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