I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
