i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
