Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
