Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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