i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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