I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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