well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
