I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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