He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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