Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
