If i come over, it means nothing
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
